my brothers keeper

Just wanted to write down something thats given me a lot of comfort the last little while. When Brandon blessed Greyson and Harrison.. I don't remember a lot of what he said but i do remember one line in each of their blessingsthat greyson would be there for his brother to protect and be his brothers keeperand that harrison would also be his brothers keeper in a spiritual wayThey were best friends I'm sureAnd knew they'd be there for each other before they came to usIt's very very tender to my heartyou can not break the twin bond no matter what happens
It's interesting how the Lord worksThis week I've seen his hand in so much of what has happened to us.Why I moved to Canada and CalgaryWhy coco came right after the boysWhy I had twin boysWhy I have the friends I have
Did I mention I'm greatful.. so greatful for hidden blessingsI think it helps break through the sadness if I focus on that
 To think about what I'm greatful for and take it minute by minute knowing it's stretching me and although the workout may be hard sometime stretching makes it betterBut at least now I have the tools to break into action instead of waiting for 6 months just wondering every single day. I can finally help. And that is a relief to have something to work for

I'm thankful

today for a supportive amazing husbanda best friend who really... there is no better in the worldfor her husbandfor our familiesfor visiting teachersfor amazing friendsfor heavenly fathers timingFor sending my son a twin brotherfor letting me get pregnant with coco before we had any signs from ra ra
 So long story made shortOur little ra ra got diagnosed with high functioning autism yesterday He's still my son but he has autismhe's not autistic.. that dosn't define him I cried a lot till there weren't any tears leftnot that I havn't  cried the last 6 months but I finally had an answer and something to go off of  I knew it was coming. I let go and let my heavenly father take charge. and as soon as I did things became clear and I felt strength flow into my body.I know this is happening for a reason and he thinks we can do it so we're gonna flow with it.  and I'd braced myself But it still hurts. 
It's going to be a long couple of years doing early interventionWhat's good is that he is at the high end of the spectrum he talks.. he cuddles..he gives ok eye contact...  and has no repetitive behaviors.  And we just happen to live in the best city besides los angeles for autsim programs. They define it as a neurological disorder where the building bridges of his brain just arn't all the way formed ..so we get to be bridge builders the next couple years  so with lots and lots and lots of therapy and behavior patterning we can connect his brain bridges.My theory on how it happened... it's genetics maybe an auto immune disease.. that was triggered by something either environmental or while he was in the nicu having a lack of oxygen to his brain

so later in life he might just be the shyer kid with some quirks you all know someone like that right think sheldon on big bang theorynothing I don't like ...;)
It's overwhelming all the changes my little family will be going through the next year.I Think I still have hope.. just a different kind... I'm trying to pull through the haze 
It's overwhelming at this stage knowing I will have a team of 4 people in my house very single day for the next 3 years doing intensive therapy on himNot going to lie when I say I'm not sure how I feel about itI hope I have time for my other kids and I learn to balance everything in my life
 I hope that My heavenly father will lift me make me strong that he'll help inspire me as to what I need to do for harrison on his road to recovery and being the best person he can be- 

 I Hope I can educate people about autism. Be a voice for my son. So many people think of something so awful when they hear the word.. I know I did. I was wrong
 There are many things people can do to help it be less severe.. esp if its high functioning and you catch it early to help teach them things when there brains are the most capable of learning
He's not cold he shows love.. kisses me hugs me- he expresses emotion..basically he just learns in a different way and can concentrate really hard on things or be very non interested in things. He needs help with social norms and transitions from one thing to another
If it wasn't for a blog post on someone talking abut autism and him having a twin I never would have caught what was happening to my son that early. I'm so so grateful we caught it early
I'm thankful for early intervention, diet studies and the gospel that are giving me hope this week.
My one thought on this whole matter... I feel I need to express Because I'm an emotional person and I worry about this
Don't be afraid of my sonof talking to him- he might not look you in the eye quite yet but he's listeningHe's not that different from you and I.Don't be afraid to talk to me about it. In fact I'd love to tell you our storyI don't want to be stared at and pittied.I'd rather you think of my son as a blessinga blessing to teach me, us many people something about life.

a dear friend told me a story this week it struck a cord deep within my soul
It's like your on a trip to paris you've learned the language studied everything you get on the plane take the ride start to land and the pilot announces.....WELCOME TO HOLLAND!
Hmmm wasn't expecting Holland.. I'm a little sad.. but I bet Holland is beautiful too.And Johnson said to me Bree you see the beauty in so much This is probably why RaRa was sent to us. Life seems so much bigger already. I'm beginning to see things differently...and although I hurt a lot right now I know it will eventually be a huge blessing in my life.And we'll find bliss in the darkness
Thanks for the prayers we still need them the love the phone calls the foodWe love you all-the johnsons