ok one more so i dont forget

Harrisons speech has sky rocketed..he can now say yes an no to things..dosnt echo..his words mean things people! So we always say a blessing on our meals..and a couple nights ago after trying to get him to repaeat after us for a year he decided he wanted to say the prayer..Dear heavenly father I want a bike ride....granmdas house.. get a treat in name.... jesus... AMEN!bon apetite

I know I havn't posted in a while.. I'm saving up posts

 I'm saving up posts for the new blog thats currently under construction coming soon but for now enjoy some pics of my cuties.. we went for a walk yesterday and I decided to take some pictures with my new camera I got for my birthday from johnson. I've wanted a dslr for years I'm fascinated with good photos and I wanted to learn how to take them how to compose them and edit.  So Now I can finally explore the subject that interests me so so much.. What a great release that I have needed! I find I deal with stress by staying busy. The sun has helped so much in my attitude and overall thought process. Maybe we need to move to California.. I can only dream. It's my favorite place ever. If I could live in disneyland I would. No like seriously I've had this dream about hiding in the top of the castle and everyone goes home and I have the land of magic all to myself... How awesome would that be!anyways I'm hooked. How Lucky I have such great subjects to shoot.Can't wait for my photography and editing classes

Harrisons awesome day

He had an awesome day today eye contact was awesome he iniciated conversation...played with chloe...said at least 10 new words.. so maybe having a fever for three days was worth it.. snapped him into some energy and all these words come out... I also think the fish oil and probiotics are amazing.. I notice.. he's feeling jsut like a normal kid..and part of me thinks it was a lot just me being overwhelmed I see him excelling with all this home stuff I've been doing. And with intense therapists he's going to be awesome. He's started to say things to us that make us laugh.. and his smile just melts me. I'm loving him for who he is..and seeing things differently through his eyes. In a way I think his honesty and to the point attitude is so christ like. His spirit is radiant and I just love his hugs.

how was your weekend?

I loved this weekend ya wanna know why?

If you havn't guessed already Brandon And I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have what is called General Conference twice a year. Basically In a nut shell we watch on  the TV or internet, the general officers of the church speak to the all the members collectively.

It is so optimistic and full of love. . .

It makes us learn love hope grow 

See this dude... He is the president and prophet of our church

Yes he kind've looks like yoda..but he is so full of wisdom and great love.

His name is

President Thomas S. Monson.

I watched conference today and this story stuck out to me out of everything I listened to. It pertained to my life right now.. and I think can apply to anyone. So Sorry it's a little long..but trust me worth reading.

I was living up in Canada. I had purchased a farm. It was run-down. I went out one morning and saw a currant bush. It had grown up over six feet high. It was going all to wood. There were no blossoms and no currants. I was raised on a fruit farm in Salt Lake before we went to Canada, and I knew what ought to happen to that currant bush. So I got some pruning shears and clipped it back until there was nothing left but stumps. It was just coming daylight, and I thought I saw on top of each of these little stumps what appeared to be a tear, and I thought the currant bush was crying. I was kind of simpleminded (and I haven’t entirely gotten over it), and I looked at it and smiled and said, “What are you crying about?” You know, I thought I heard that currant bush say this:

“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as big as the shade tree and the fruit tree that are inside the fence, and now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me because I didn’t make what I should have made. How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”

That’s what I thought I heard the currant bush say, and I thought it so much that I answered. I said, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down. Thank you, Mr. Gardener.’ “

 

Years passed, and I found myself in England. I was in command of a cavalry unit in the Canadian Army. I held the rank of field officer in the British Canadian Army. I was proud of my position. And there was an opportunity for me to become a general. I had taken all the examinations. I had the seniority. The one man between me and the office of general in the British Army became a casualty, and I received a telegram from London. It said: “Be in my office tomorrow morning at 10:00,” signed by General Turner.

 

I went up to London. I walked smartly into the office of the general, and I saluted him smartly, and he gave me the same kind of a salute a senior officer usually gives—a sort of “Get out of the way, worm!” He said, “Sit down, Brown.” Then he said, “I’m sorry I cannot make the appointment. You are entitled to it. You have passed all the examinations. You have the seniority. You’ve been a good officer, but I can’t make the appointment. You are to return to Canada and become a training officer and a transport officer.” That for which I had been hoping and praying for 10 years suddenly slipped out of my fingers.

 

Then he went into the other room to answer the telephone, and on his desk, I saw my personal history sheet. Right across the bottom of it was written, “THIS MAN IS A MORMON.” We were not very well liked in those days. When I saw that, I knew why I had not been appointed. He came back and said, “That’s all, Brown.” I saluted him again, but not quite as smartly, and went out.

 

I got on the train and started back to my town, 120 miles away, with a broken heart, with bitterness in my soul. And every click of the wheels on the rails seemed to say, “You are a failure.” When I got to my tent, I was so bitter that I threw my cap on the cot. I clenched my fists, and I shook them at heaven. I said, “How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. There is nothing that I could have done—that I should have done—that I haven’t done. How could you do this to me?” I was as bitter as gall.

 

And then I heard a voice, and I recognized the tone of this voice. It was my own voice, and the voice said, “I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.” The bitterness went out of my soul, and I fell on my knees by the cot to ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness and my bitterness. While kneeling there I heard a song being sung in an adjoining tent. A number of Mormon boys met regularly every Tuesday night. I usually met with them. We would sit on the floor and have Mutual. As I was kneeling there, praying for forgiveness, I heard their singing:

 

“But if, by a still, small voice he calls

To paths that I do not know,

I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:

I’ll go where you want me to go.”

(Hymns, no. 270)
I'm the currant bush.and I needed to be pruned... I wasn't producing fruit. Heavenly father is the gardner..and to me. Harrison was the shears.How enlightening...And maybe I wasnt supposed to be the cherry blossom treeI was supposed to be the currant bushbecause the currant bush will touch people and produce fruit that will feed peoples hungersHeres to a year of producing new branches and making fruit grow. As well as my faith in the gardnerI swear this talk and many today were just for me. Never have I felt the spirit in my home as I did today it was thick and I felt his love.

Bunk Beds Canadian style

I totally stole this title from Brooke.. but it was too cuteWe went to the cranston gym yesterday to let the boys and Jett man Run around. They have a parachute balls rope.. it was nice to just chat with Brooke while the kids got some energy out greyson and harrison had two sides of a jump rope that they were playing tug of war with and one would run while the other tried to catch the end of the rope.. also coco was quite the headturner.. there was a little 2 year old there named alexander he kept coming up to coco and saying I like your pretty dress and petting her SO FUNNY But it gets better every time we lifted up the parachute .coco was in the middle  and they were under there kissing! Like full on the lips smooching!. And this continued for about 10 minutes. His mom was dying laughing as was I because coco seemed to enjoy it.. not how she reacts from her brothers I'm in mega trouble... this also happened

they were tired by the end and decided to napin the hockey netstypical canadians :)

Getting Harrison to eat

isn't he a cutie
Well I've been reading a lot latley on things we can do to increase Harrisons odds of recovery..one is his diet..the only problem... kids on the spectrum are sensitive eaters....like picky eaters times 10.. sometimes they have issues with color or texture or smell being overwhelming- he only eats about 8 things. So taking him off gluten and dairy has been a struggle he got dark circles after 3 days and it scared me he was starving himself.. we went off for a solid month.. I saw improvement... but we also started some therapy stuff and scheduling.. so it's hard to tell if stuff works.. or If I'm imagining things. I'm going to take him to the peditrician to have him tested for food intolerances as well as myself... my dad is celiac so I know it's in the genes My son is going to make me the skinniest and most patient person ever I LOVE HIM! So if he does have sensitivities that will be the clencher as to whether I keep up with it. This week I let him have normal food again and he seems ok... 
Gosh this part is Hard not knowing if it's working or not I need the spirit to push me in the right direction. anyways I read a book about a mother who was trying to get her son to eat stuff.. he was also on the spectrum...a few tips I thought I'd share because they worked amazingly well tonight...
make the food interesting put it on an unexpected platedipping sauces do wondersarrange the food in a star shapefeed it to his trains firstfeed it to coco greyson and clap for them
The hard part of this therapy is when he has bad behavior instead of punishing or reacting like a normal parent would We have to ignore it. When we make a reaction to what he's doing he goes.. oh thats a funny face I guess I'll spill my milk again to get her to do the same thing. Vice versa when he does something good.. we have to almost overreact to it.. but be sincere... kids on the spectrum can tell when you are sincere or not. Good thing his mother is super animated it must be like watching a cartoon for him. HI I"M MOMMY THE TRAIN AND I"M SO PROUD OF YOU FOR EATING POTATOES! YAY DO THE DANCE OF JOY!  Sooo while it looks like bad parenting it's actually teaching him to repeat the good thing he does and when he has bad behaviors.. theres not a reaction. make sense?totally changing my brain I'm telling youNot sure how this will work with greyson I might have to parent them totally differentlyI'm exhausted thinking about it. Makes me think about mothers I've seen though and now feel awful If I ever judged someone and didn't have the whole story they could've been doing aba therapy as well... and when you see someone ignoring there kids bad behavior you'd think they were just being lazy but for these kids it makes total sense. Thank you my son for opening my world about what other people may be going through and about judging others.
But dinner was lovelyhe was so interactive.. clapped showed me his stunning smileReally guys you need to see this kid smileIt's like you can see his spirit shine through himAnd I can feel it inside himHe's a strong onea fighter
I kept his attentionGreyson helped he clapped as well as cocoIt felt like a normal meal I loved just being with my familythen we went to the park.. there is still 3 feet of snow.. but we trudged through stroller and all.. the sun was out and I'm boycotting the worst winter of my life. I'm done
 We've also been working on eye contactthat alone is huge If he can get that .. meaningful relationships are possible in his life like getting married ect So I'm pushing the look at my eyes thing really hard.So while it's tiring and I wonder why it happened still.In my heart I know he needed an animated mother and a patient father.I know now why he is here with us. Things are starting to get clearer.Just praying his speech picks up soon.He said Greyson for the first time today I almost cried. But was more proud of him for getting the s sound

Summer or Winter?

We can't decide at our house apparently

He wanted me to eat with him

I made Harrison lunch today.... everyone else was asleep in the house So I make him his meal and go upstairs to clean up some toys...he yelled my name ran upstairs grabbed my hand and brought me downstairs where he made me sit in the chair next to him.warmed my heart I cried He's never done that before he's said mamma but never really like Hey I want you to just come be with me.. 
Also great news today we got into a really amazing school called renfrew that is going to take both of the boys.. we thought they might only take Harrison.. they will be picking them up for me  5 days a weekwow what a huge blessing to me ! 2 hours every day to run errands pull myself together be with cocoit's 5 days a week For Harrison Greyson will only go for 4 so Fridays can be greyson day..all of this is coming together so I feel like I have equal time with my kids Huge relief to me.. I want nobody to feel more loved than another or like they get more time ect
...it will be weird not having them with me all day every day.. I'm having mixed emotions about it..but I know it will be wonderful.. the boys will love playing and learningthey have this amazing sensory room for kids on the spectrum it's dark with little lights and colorful bubble tanks ect..this room is something they'd use to calm a child down with sensory problems..They prob wouldn't use it for Harrison as his sensory stuff is really good but both my boys loved that room as well as the ball/tumbling room. They both didn't want to leave
 The teachers there are trained to work with kids on the spectrum  half of the class is typical kids.. the other half ones with speech problems learning disabilities..spectrum kids ect... The very thought that we have a place like this is hugeee..So they'd work with harrison on his social skills and his speech those are the areas he struggles in
 I've heard of so many people that do this training by themselves because it's few and far between to find a place this awesome. Thank you Calgary! Thank you Alberta!
 And not everyone who applies gets in..esp if they are trying to get 2 spots So today I am once again humbled and reminded that someone 's got my backFor the blessings this week. For the hope that came back to me today- that with all this work and amazing people we can help our child recover from his autism. Early intervention is huge!!!!!!!!My heart is full to my Father in Heaven for taking care of me and my little family. Can you feel the love people! I feel like a crying hippie
 So full my heart is...{sorry I couldn't resist the yoda within me}
 So greatful for hidden blessings in the midst of darkness.
And while some days it's still hard to wake up and remember That my life is now different I'm grateful I have resources many do not have

What we're working on

So before we can get all the special people into our house to work with Harrison it has to go through a govt process saying we are eligible.. and basically we have to wait until september...well this mom will go nuts waiting so we decided to structure structure structure our daywe wake up have breakfast do art timethen bath timethen puzzle time then music then lunch ect.. 
It helps harrison learn to focus and know what comes next. And we've been working on sounds /letters
Letter a was yesterday..

 as I came upstairs to shower while they had puzzle time...they snuck downstairs with their markers from art time and drew on our guest bedroom sheets...
And you know what 
I wasTHRILLED TO SEE THIS!{side note}whoever invented washable markers thank you from the bottom of my heart

inspired by this today

I'm learning a lot this week. Thank you Harrison I love you buddy.

Feeling stronger

I think having a plan and something to start helping Harrison .. that alone is helping me..  I realized this week that Harrison is still Harrison.. We just now have a label..which will help him get help. What's funny is that to others.. you can't even tell somethings wrong.. and sometimes it's hard for me to tell.. besides the lack of speech. I think that makes it hard on me. I know there's something wrong but it isn't easy to see how it's affecting what he learns. I'm Grateful he's not on the low end of the spectrum but frustrated that he will be expected to fit in this world and it will be tough to teach him in a totally different way. I'm learning structure is my friend.. He's thriving on it..It's interesting talking to people that help teach kids on the spectrum and I've heard this again and again..All it is is a different learning style.. very very visual For instance I drew a picture of him eating lunch showed him before we started eating.. and he sat and ate...and smiled and showed me his fork and spoonIT WAS AMAZING!I can't wait to see what he does with the therapists.
 Did I mention I'm tired. 
I feel like it's constant engage Harrison 24/7 because thats how he's going to learn that he has to connect with people. He's great with me Brandon Greyson and Grandparents.. But other people/peers are harder for him. He's ok to just just do his own thing...Which reminds me of me..I hated group work in highschool and college.. Just let me do it my way ....I have a plan... wonder where he gets his stubbornness? We had art time todayHE LOVES IT!Don't know why I didn't try stuff like this soonerwhat a wake up call to motheringHe's teaching me how to play againinterestingand he said all his colors to me made me happy
also coco's laugh makes me happy its like elmer fudd not even joking
And Brandon bought snicker bars we were on the couch watching Modern family and he says want a snickers? I have a secret stash.. Totally fun and unexpected treat. made me smile
I'm feeling stronger.. still hurts...but am ready to start fighting back

a place i've travelled too

Christmas 2 years ago in the  Puerta Plata Dominican Republic. This is my favorite picture of me and Harrison.I loved it there- it's beautiful. Especially the water- so clear and gorgeous.  We had the opportunity to go climb up waterfalls and then slide down them- its one of the best experiences I've had in my whole life. Exhilarating- the feeling that you get when you know you are just alive and happy.This was a great trip. And I loved being with Johnsons there.

My very favorite movies....

ok this pic isnt of me its of brandon in paris on his mission when the new star wars came out-it makes me laugh-cause I love star wars too. And I went to it while he was in France.

This is going to be a fun one... I surprise people with my movie selection.... everyone I talk to where we have this conversation is shocked at what films I love. I do not like chick flicks. I'm find the story lines predictable and unentertaining. I know I'm such a prude.... I do however love artsy movies with a love undertone... sundance film festival would be a blast to go too. I also love mystery action films. Anything that has a happy ending- sad ending movies make me leave feeling incomplete-anyone else feel that way? Who done its also very good.So my top 10 movies....10. Cool Runnings- Who dosn't get goosebumps at the end when they lift the sled and carry it- YEAH BABY THATS WHAT THE OLYMPICS ARE ABOUT! It was also one of my Favorite movies before I moved to Calgary- weird eh? It was preparing me lol9. Back to the Future- You've already heard me talk about this- but I love that I find little things in the movie every time I watch it. And if you are a big nerd like I am watch it with commentary- I love film commentary- why directors do the things they do.8. Casino Royale- the jumping off the buildings scene- come on thats cool7. Indiana Jones-Brandon kissed me during this movie for the first time- might be why we have a son named Harrison ;) Plus it reminds me of Disneyland6. Star Wars- I know see Brandon and I were meant to be together. But I enjoy almost the double meaning behind things. 5. Blind Side- this show mad me laugh made me cry- I loved everything about it4. Wait Until Dark- It's an old audrey Hepburn film-She's a blind lady who's pulled into a murder mystery- it's amazing how she listens to things to figure out whats going on-I have it if anyone wants to borrow it.3- This wouldnt be a list without a musical- my fav musical to watch in movie form is Thoroughly modern millie- she tap dances to make the elevator work- and wears 1920's clothingLOVE LOVE LOVE! with Julie Andrews  too-I also love the Sound of Music2- THe Wizard of Oz- this film is amazing on so many levels- If you ever want to know where tons of film things came from- it was the Wizard of Oz.-Also great to watch the commentary.1-Ever After- ok my 1 chick flick- She's strong independent- meets Davinci- I love her angel costume for the masquerade. And I do like Drew Barrymore.
Brandons fav's to come tonight...

true bliss

The only way to get around...

 On Dasher on Dancer....

Notice greyson's wedgie in the top picture Bree's proud of that wedgie and no diaper bum
-Brandon

1 by 1

Count your blessings name them one by one
1-POTTY TRAINED GREYSON!!!2-8 less diapers a day  yes I change at least 8 per kid so 24 a day minimum so 16 is a lot better3-how cute he looks in underwear-seriously like a superhero4-that it tempts harrison to wear underwear over his diaper and to sit on the potty{stubborn kid}

my sweet little family 2010

Taken by wendy and Tyler from Blue Lily photography in Downtown Calgary I have been begging wendy to come to Calgary to do pictures for about a year- and when she e-mailed me saying they were coming I was so excited- like jump and down on my couch tom cruise excited. Her sense of style in her pictures is exactly what I love. lots and lots of color- less posed- raw emotion in kids. And I love how she puts the family's personality into the photos. The photo session was so fun. I was super stressed about the boys cooperating( not melting down)- but once we were there it's like the stars aligned and they were wonderful- funny, cute and ready to jump run ect. I have to say wendy and tyler were great at getting our kids attention and I absolutely love my pictures- bright colorful crazy happy just like my sweet little family