He wanted me to eat with him

I made Harrison lunch today.... everyone else was asleep in the house So I make him his meal and go upstairs to clean up some toys...he yelled my name ran upstairs grabbed my hand and brought me downstairs where he made me sit in the chair next to him.warmed my heart I cried He's never done that before he's said mamma but never really like Hey I want you to just come be with me.. 
Also great news today we got into a really amazing school called renfrew that is going to take both of the boys.. we thought they might only take Harrison.. they will be picking them up for me  5 days a weekwow what a huge blessing to me ! 2 hours every day to run errands pull myself together be with cocoit's 5 days a week For Harrison Greyson will only go for 4 so Fridays can be greyson day..all of this is coming together so I feel like I have equal time with my kids Huge relief to me.. I want nobody to feel more loved than another or like they get more time ect
...it will be weird not having them with me all day every day.. I'm having mixed emotions about it..but I know it will be wonderful.. the boys will love playing and learningthey have this amazing sensory room for kids on the spectrum it's dark with little lights and colorful bubble tanks ect..this room is something they'd use to calm a child down with sensory problems..They prob wouldn't use it for Harrison as his sensory stuff is really good but both my boys loved that room as well as the ball/tumbling room. They both didn't want to leave
 The teachers there are trained to work with kids on the spectrum  half of the class is typical kids.. the other half ones with speech problems learning disabilities..spectrum kids ect... The very thought that we have a place like this is hugeee..So they'd work with harrison on his social skills and his speech those are the areas he struggles in
 I've heard of so many people that do this training by themselves because it's few and far between to find a place this awesome. Thank you Calgary! Thank you Alberta!
 And not everyone who applies gets in..esp if they are trying to get 2 spots So today I am once again humbled and reminded that someone 's got my backFor the blessings this week. For the hope that came back to me today- that with all this work and amazing people we can help our child recover from his autism. Early intervention is huge!!!!!!!!My heart is full to my Father in Heaven for taking care of me and my little family. Can you feel the love people! I feel like a crying hippie
 So full my heart is...{sorry I couldn't resist the yoda within me}
 So greatful for hidden blessings in the midst of darkness.
And while some days it's still hard to wake up and remember That my life is now different I'm grateful I have resources many do not have

A grasp on humility

I love my little girl-It's so fun to dress her up. I love making headbands to match her outfits- Once I started doing them for her I got the idea to do necklaces and it's kind've been my new fav creative thing lately. I decided to put them in my etsy shop and was shocked at the response I got. I mostly started etsy for an outlet and to trade stuff with other creative people. But in the last week since I opened my new shop and started branding my product. I really can't believe how fun it's been for me the past week knowing my creations are being worn by people all over the globe. And that people actually like them.

It's been good for me this little creative outlet

Especially since MOD has been on the backburner since Chloe was born and because school has been very stressful. Sometimes I get so discouraged feeling like I'm never going to finish. I get sad because I had to wait 2 years for my permanent resident card and they wouldn't let me finish school up here until I had it.

And by the time I had it I was ready to start having my kiddos.

It would've been a lot easier to finish before in those two years I was in Canada just waiting. I love them so much and I know it was the right timing for me and Brandon- it's just some days I really miss living in Rexburg and going to school all day. Knowing that If I'd stayed there I'd be done. Brandons Job oppertunity's were so much better here

and thats why we moved right after he graduated.

It's especially hard watching my sisters go to school and watching them graduate first. I'm very happy for them but sometimes it makes me feel like I was a slacker or something. While I'm doing everything online and it's taking forever because I only do 2 classes at a time. I miss the feeling of going onto campus every day. I loved actually being in class.

I've come to realize the past year that it's a matter of humility for me- something I really needed to learn and it's teaching me that I'm not going to be first-

to graduate to get a job ect in my family -which was very hard for me to finally grasp.

I realized I needed to be humble and do what the Lord wanted me to do.

I needed to be proud of my sisters and of everyone else in my Brandons family.

Even though I'm doing school a different way and on my own time line. It is ok.

It bothered me so much and through many prayers and support from Brandon I know that my little ones are so precious and they need me right now. And that being a mom to them is special and the most important thing I can be doing right now.

My Father in Heaven is proud that I decided to serve them.

And He will help me with my goals.

I just need to be patient and remember that it's what he wants for me

not what I want for me.

I need to let his will happen.

Just something I needed to get out.

Didn't mean to damper anyones spirits.

But I do want my kids to know the things I think about and am going through

so maybe it will help them someday and help me realize things about myself

in this growing process we call life.

I know I moved to Canada for reasons beyond what I can comprehend. I've had confirmation on several occasions that I was supposed to be where I was for certain reasons-

A big reason was being in young Womens in Midnapore Ward.

Those girls touched me so much and I feel honored to have been so close to them.

They will forever be some of my closest friends. So there you go my random thoughts and feelings. Heres to hoping I can get through school in one piece.

And when it does finally happen even if it's 8 years from now we are celebrating like crazy!

The Power of a Prayer

Just wanted to get out a few thoughts. I'm grateful for prayer this week. After my c Section I went home with no complications. About 4 days ago I noticed a huge lump under the right side of my incision. Later that day it really started to hurt. Brandon was back at work Debbie and Brooke out of town and my Mom is at home taking care of my sick grandpa. So I was on my own for a couple days. I felt really scared and I was in a lot of pain- The Dr told me I had a hemotoma under my incision on the right side from going up and down my stairs too much Id pulled a muscle and the blood was clotting under it causing some huge swelling. If it got red and infected I'd need to be opened up again and get new staples-not something I needed right now- I'm just trying to stay a float- feed and take care of my newborn and take care of crazy twin toddlers- who are getting molars all while trying to heal myself. She said to only go down my stairs once a day- how? I have to feed my kids. I got home and cried and cried really hard. I'm sure half of it was my crazy hormones but at the time I just felt exhausted and worn out. And guilty that I was complaining about something so small in my life going wrong. Not sure how I'm going to do everything- I really took my health for grantid. It got redder throughout the day and hurt more and eventually split open- I started to cry again-my boys were whining in the other room- I'm trying to feed chloe who is screaming and I'm bleeding at the same time- in that moment I just remember feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders so discouraged so afraid and so alone. I'm not superwoman. I said probably the most sincere pleading prayer for some help. Help to be emotionally stable to take it one day at a time to heal to have my boys behave. And within the hour- my gauze with ointment was making the redness go down and the skin was healing remarkably. Chloe was sleeping like a log- my boys were playing nicely together and I felt some peace in my heart letting me know it would all be Ok.I'm greatful for prayer- I know it works - and I'm so glad My heavenly Father loves me and has blessed me so much this week. Heres to hoping the incision keeps healing

reflections on christmas

As I sit here drinking hot co-co in front of my christmas tree. I can't help but notice the stillness and how beautiful the new sparkly snow looks. It feels like christmas and I'm excited for my family to come visit us in Canada. I've thought a lot about the season this year and how grateful I am for things in my life this year. I'm truly blessed beyond reason to be part of a special family. I'm greatful my boys are healthy and smart and that they are growing into little humans with amazing personality's . I love that they teach me to be selfless and in return they give me true moments of joy. I've loved watching them grow so much this year- their smiles giggles cute little walks and words. I feel so lucky to be their mother.

Also greatful for a husband who is and will always be my puzzle piece we complement each other in every way. I'm so greatful that were blissfully in love. I still swoon over this man on a daily basis- especially tonight watching him shovel our driveway in his cute sweats. I love his morning forehead kisses- even though half the time I'm still asleep. His little acts of love keep me sane. Hes such an amazing man and he makes me a better woman.

I also would like to express my love for my saviour. I had the opportunity to learn more about him this last semester through some classes- and I feel a closeness with him latley -truly as a brother. Someone I can talk to. There are days when I don't know how I'll make it to 5 pm and I know his love is there for me and I'm not alone. I feel a deep love for him his atonement his example his love for everyone and I can't wait to personally go to him and say thank you for walking this path of life with me. I'm greatful I know where I came from that I have answers to lifes huge questions that I know who I am

- happiness -

true happiness comes from jesus christ-

I love my brother my savior and my biggest example.

What a blessing that little baby so meek and humble is to my world. My hope is that I can keep that love inside me all year. So with these thoughts I wish you a merry christmas.

I hope your season is filled with bliss as mine is this year.

Christmas Carol

The carolers hanging out in the green room check out our hats and boots!

yes...I know I look huge and puffy- 7 months preggo I tend to look puffy near the end.

carla and v putting on eye liner

carla is my hero taping her hem line! I always carry tape and scisscors in my purse you never know when you'll need them!

Christmas carol was super fun to be in I'm glad I got to participate in something that brought the christmas spirit. My favorite part was singing a song about the nativity at the end while the little kids acted out the nativity- it was so sweet and they were adorable in their little costumes waving to their parents and flapping their angel wings. I had such a good time performing. I've missed it a lot and wish there were more opportunities to do so in Calgary.

I miss the days of community theatre.

{Easter and my feelings on the resurrection}

Easter is such an important holiday to me. I hold it dear to my heart. It gives me great hope and joy. The thought of conquering death- that there's more than just this world- and that I have that knowledge and know that it's true is overwhelming and incredible. Having two of my sisters die when I was a teenager changed me. It made me think differently about life. I know in my heart that death isn't the end and that it's a great adventure. It gave me perspective to life. Easter reminds me of this hope for life. I'll keep this simple and sweet- just the way I feel about this. But I love my Saviour. I love that he loves me. That he's my brother. That he knows me better than anyone in this world and that he can see my full potential. That he made it possible for me to become better- to not have dispair in my life- to grow-to learn. To have joy. To know I'm not perfect but that I can try to be better. To lift me. To teach me. To be my advocate. 

Just a thought...

You know what I think is funny. How people worry about what others think too much. I've heard so many people say latley that they worry about what they write on there blog and how it comes across to others as being to mormony.

My feeling is that people are so afraid to be themselves. The world needs to worry less and enjoy life and learn to enjoy being yourself finding yourself. If you like to blog blog- if you like sew sew- if you like to scrapbook scrapbook ect ect.-and for a mormon- don't be afraid of being the cliche mormon. It's something to be proud of.

We should celebrate the fact that we are what we are. So stand up and be proud of yourself. And the amazing women that you really are. I personally think I know some amazing women who inspire me every day by just being themselves.So Please friends don't worry about what other people think. Be confident in the person you are.- Just something thats been on my mind latley. I feel so much happier when I dont worry- and am proud of being the cliche happy mormon. I mean isnt that what's important in life. Realizing where we came from and looking at the bigger picture.

Y is for...

{ The Youth in Midnapore Ward where I served in The Young Womens. This was one of the greatest things that couldve happened to me- I'd just moved from rexburg to Calgary and missed my younger sisters a lot. These girls helped fill the void. They are so special to me. I almost cry thinking about them. They welcomed me and made me feel so loved.

Never have I seen a ward where the YW are this close to all the girls and none are left out. Everyone loves each other. They all came to activities and it was so exciting to go every week. I miss planning activites and spending time with them and the amazing leaders that were my dear friends. I learned a lot from them and am so greatful I was chosen to serve these girls. I hope they always keep in touch with me.

So to the arrested potatoe gunnning experience-mollly and an orange-snipe hunt with rabies-reject sewers-taping the pizza box to the top of my car and driving around-making things out of cardboard-camp and raining gumballs-joseph smith encampment-singing in my car-jumping into glacier water for moola-thanks for the great memories girlies. I miss you a lot.}

I had two letters left in the alphabet for my alphablog figured I better finish it!

oh wow....bright red....president carter reads my blog.....AHHHHH!

{Image courtesy of Mel's blog}

Sooooo... Last week we had a stake relief society enrichment activity. They do it every years as like a mini be the best you seminar with a guest speaker dinner and classes all planned around a theme- I know true Bree heaven. I was so looking forward to getting out of the house and have been anticipating this for a couple weeks. The theme this year was paradise- pretty cool theme if you ask me- especially when it's - 20 outside- everyone could use a bit of paradise. I should've taken my camera- I thought about it- I love getting new ideas for centerpieces ect.. these were particuarly cute- I disected the one at a table by me. It looked like a gift wrapping roll covered in burlap mesh with plant ends sticking out of it to look like a palm tree on the tables- very very cute- we ate hawaiian haystacks and chatted till the guest speaker talk was ready to go.

I didn't know who was talking and was excited when president carter got up. You have to realize that our stake pres is a little different than others- maybe its just that hes a little whacky with a touch of undying optimism. I think he realtes well to the youth.. I love how every stake conference you can hear him singing from the back row- it still makes me laugh. Hes crazy he's fun and I think he relates to people. Not many I know of can command an audience like he can.

So he talked on how to get to paradise and I wish I wouldve had a pen and paper to write stuff down on now- but my favorite lines were...Remember there won't always be a hammock in paradise- or there might be rain in paradise-just something to think about for me- I feel like I'm doing mundain things in life yes I need to look at the whole picture- I've thought so much about that the last couple days. My other favorite part made me cry- to not worry about how fast others are going in life toward sucess but to remember if your heading in that direction you'll get there. It's exactly what I needed to hear and felt like it touched my soul. What an uplifting night. He used visual aides and a slideshow with a video from youtube about a soldier with no arms or legs but how he still kept trying. It made me cry.

The pres knows how to use you tube I'm impressed- and on a side note he started the talk off with saying he usually speaks to the guys so he had to do some research into the girls and how did this happen....by reading our blogs! He mentioned people by name and you could feel the red in the room with hilarious laughter. I kept thinking dont say my name don't say my name- what if he does lets see what did I write this week ! And then I hear my name.. Bree Johnson Man I want to eat your cupcakes they sure look good -next time come bring me some- or something like that. Wow - what a crazy guy reading our blogs and watching youtube= in my eyes totally awesome!

I went to a class on oragnizing that I really enjoyed- makes me want to get a label maker and I found it exciting that theres a place that will come pick up your junk so I dnt have to take it to value village. I'm a huge dejunker and can't stand clutter- overall I learned a lot I was uplifted and I am excited the pres likes my blog.

Something to think about...

I've always been interested in world religions and what people believe as I was reading articles yesterday Brandon and I stumbled acrosss this one- We've often talked about it before as Brandon also likes this subject-but this one seemed so interesting to us we thought we'd share. It's about similarities between muslims and latter-day saints. Just something that's made me think. Very Interesting.


http://articles.latimes.com/2008/apr/02/local/me-morlims2

Multiple blessings...

For christmas Brandon bought me the book multiple blessings by Kate Gosselin and her friend Beth. I've been anticipating this book for long time and was so excited to finally get in my cozy jammies and read it. I can not explain to you how much this book touched me. I feel guilty for ever complaining about having twins and having to take care of them alone during the day. I've been struggling for quite a while now with coming to terms that I'm a mother. I guess I've always had a go get em attitude and expected to be doing somthing different at this point in my life. Finishing school has been always on my mind- feeling like a failure for not being done already- and sadly watching as my friends were graduating and getting jobs- don't get me wrong I wouldnt trade moving to canada for anything but sometimes I just wanted to scream- hey I'm smart and educated and I want to finish- they just won't let me. On top of this I still don't know what to do with my life. I'm now a permanent resident of canada and the boys are almost one- making it easier for me to start school again. I'm finishing my degree just to have a degree-( which alone feels like I'm failing again doing it online- but it just makes more sense this way- I just hate taking the easy road) I see how immature that sounds but its truly how I feel. I believe its important but I cant decide the emphasis -unfortunatley you can only pick from 4 majors when you finish online and nothing seems to suit me. I guess I just need to pick something and go with it. I know that what I do will probablly require additional training-man school lasts forever- but it is very important to me to feel sucessful. Like I did it -and I'm good at my talents. Having my boys was a hard adjustment with control- I love being in control of every little thing. I feel a lot like kate in that it wasnt quite what I was planning on happening to me. Like other people are first and what I want is always on the back burner. After reading this book it became apparent to me that it's god's timing. That I'm doing something sucessful. But that I need to do what he wants before I can do what I want. That he loves me and will make sure my prayers are answered-that I need to give and realize god will always give more back to me. In so many ways this book has answered my prayers and helped with my jumbled brain of confusion and heartache. Teaching me to appreciate the little moments and that the answers to life will come . To not worry about my career right now-he'll show me what I need to do- he'll fill my well strengthen me on the hard days and bring me unexplainble joy through my boys. Just work on my school and he'll fill in the gaps. I just need to trust him and relinquish control. I'm greatful for her insight and open honsty. My life will have answers but I need to listen to what he wants and when.

The reason for the season...

How did she know...

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've had being a mother. I'm usually an optimistic person but yesterday at 6 in the morning when they both started crying I just felt defeated. I'm sick again- not sure why I've gotten 6 colds in 4 months but all I wanted to do was sleep. I get up feed them change them and they are very whiny and both want to be held- It's super hard when they are both clingy- I only have 2 hands. Every time I left the room they would cry- I was trying to cook myself lunch and burned it because I had to keep running up and down the stairs to try and make them happy. Neither one napped- I was exhausted. I miss the boys car seats that I could carry them around in. They are too big and now it takes me about an hour to go anywhere one boy at a time loading unloading buckling unbucling buckling again. I'm someone who loves getting out of the house and tried to do it at least once a day with my boys after they were born so I'd get in the habit and it wouldnt be an issue going places. It's a lt harder now and harrison hates being pinned in. So when we go anywhere he screams in his stroller car seat ect... So now I bring the snuggly -put unit in the stroller and harrison on me. It's just stressful and overwhelming when I need to get stuff done. It's also frustarting having just one car that barley fits us all. Don't get me wrong- I love my rav- it's just so tiny and hard to fit the boys stuff and grocery's ect. So Brandon calls me everyday from work when he leaves downtown to get on the train. I usually go pick him up- which means packing the boys ect. Yesterday They were being horrendous and I thought they'd go down for a nap so I told Brndon to take the bus home from the train station. Which is about 15 minutes away- the buses only come every half hour so if he misses it by a minute he has to wait- its so annoying! I feel bad when there are days that I don't want to go get him. Because I know he'd come get me. Hes a much better person than I am. So The boys don't go down and I try feeding them big boy food- I'm not fast enough putting it in there mouths and they scream tere heads off at me to let me know. They've been whiny all day and the screaming just pushes me over the edge. I sit there and cry while trying to shovel it in fast enough- and harrison being so mad spits it out on me all over- I'm covered in banannas- crying unncontrollably because I just don't know what to do. Thinking he'll be home in 3 minutes it ok- he's not- the bus left early- I call him and he has to wait another 30 minutes for the bus and 15 to drive home. I can't handle this anymore! I'm pretty good about keeping control and being patient but I just felt like not being a mom for a while. Brandon finally got home and I cried again. Mad at myself for breaking down. mad at myself for wishing I wasn't a mom right then. Because I'm so lucky to have two healthy little boys. It was just a really hard day for me. I needed to be alone have quiet time for myself. We fed them chnaged them and they finally went to bed around 9 - 6-9 very long day. As I got into bed Brandon just held me- as a quietly cried again. Feeling overwhelmed that it would start all over again tommorow. I said a prayer- Help me Heavenly Father- I can't do it anymore. And I fall asleep. I remember Brandon kissing my forehead when he left at 6 and then the phone rang. It was Linda. She's my visiting teacher.. One of the only people I'll actually tell if I need something- I just haet inconvenicing people- and I'm stubborn and try to do everything myself-( sometimes I just need to ask for help)- but it scares me to ask. I just thought I needed to call you...I start to sob-He Knew-He heard me-can I come watch the boys ? Yes How did you know? I just felt like you needed me today. She was so in tune with the spirit. How how did dhe know I was on the point of breaking? I'm so greatful I needed an hour of peace and an hour of not having to take care of every little thing. She's amazing and I hope I can be that in tune to help someone if the spirit touches me. My heavenly Father loves me. What a wonderful feeling to know he's there for me. My testimony did push ups today. Thank You Linda I love you.

6th picture in my 6th folder

These are a couple of my young women in The Midnapore ward. Brandon and I were leaders on this thing that our stake did called Joseph smith encampment. We spent almost a year working on it. Countless meeting- so much time and energy went into this- If anyone has ever heard of moronis qwest- this is kind've like that- Each ward was in charge of a skit. it was like a giant play on the joseph smith story. Our ward had hans Mill. i even went to the college so they could record my voice as a narrarator- that was fun!-We made cabins dressed up as pioneers and even made or branch flags- Brandons and my kids were in the Liberty Branch- ok back to the picture- basically we wanted to be cute pioneers so we went and bought pantaloons at value village- it was the hit of the year- ill have to post another entry on encampment. it was very inspiring and fun

CALGARY TEMPLE!

I'm so excited about the new temple in Calgary. I've been waiting so lonog. This will make it so much easier to have a temple close by. I took it for grantid living in utah.I'm excited to see where they put it in Calgary. Cross your fingers for Cranston!

One of the five new temples announced this weekend by Thomas S. Monson, president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, will be located in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. The Calgary temple will be the third temple in this Province, in addition to Cardston and Edmonton, and the 8th in Canada. The other temples are located in Halifax, Nova Scotia; Montreal, Quebec; Toronto, Ontario; and Regina, Saskatchewan.
The first members of the Church arrived in Alberta in the early 1880s as contract workers on the Canadian Pacific Railroad line between Medicine Hat and Calgary. A few years later, other Mormon settlers began arriving and farming what is present-day Cardston. This was the beginning of a thriving Latter-day Saint community that has spread throughout much of southern Alberta.
In 1898, large irrigation canals were constructed in a joint venture between the Alberta Railway and Irrigation Company and the Church. These canals were extremely vital to successful farming in the area, and led to increased migration from Utah and Idaho to southern Alberta.
In 1895, the first stake of the Church (a stake is similar to a diocese) was established in Alberta. Today there are over 75,000 members of the Church in 200 congregations throughout the province. In Canada as a whole, there are over 175,000 members.
Specifics concerning the exact location and architectural design of the newly announced Calgary temple are not yet available.

The kindness of a stranger

So I went grocery shopping today which is hard to do with baby twins. My stroller will hold the boys and thats about it. So i figured out a way to go grocery shopping I take the boys in their seats and put them in the shopping cart and then every time I need to put something in the cart I lift one of the boys up and put it under them. I always feed and change the boys before i go anywhere so it gives me the most time i can withot them getting upset. Well today was there total meltdown. They were fine until I got to the cash register and then all the sudden Harrison started screaming and because Harrison was crying Greyson started( I find they do this with each other) So there I am at superstore because its cheaper to get grocery's there- the only problem you have to bag yoru own grocerys and put them in your cart. Less employees means lower prices. Anyways They both start screaming at the checkout- I'm not about to leave because we need grocery's. I'm ready to break down and sob they were both so loud and i was just trying to keep it together putting my groceries in the bags. everyones looking at me like i'm this horrible mother and It was just bad. I couldnt help them cause i had to put my groceries in the cart. anyways I start to cry as i walk out of the store with 2 wailing little boys- i go to put them in my car and a lady runs over to me and says here let me help you. something so simple as helping me put my groceries in the car menat the world to me. I needed help so bad and someone took a minute to care. so to whomever you are I hope someone does something kind for you too. Just a little message that you never know how much you can mean to someone by serving them.